Yesterday marked 23 years since my dad died. Admittedly, the anniversary gets easier and easier each year, though the missing him never ever does. My dad lives on, though, in stories that we tell, memories that we share, the kids absolutely know him, they ask about him all the time, and they feel his loss too. Maybe its more of regret–Sam especially tells me all the time that he misses him, that he wishes he got to see him even just once. But more often than not, we tell funny stories, remember that he loved bologna sandwiches and pink lemonade. “just like me, mom!” Just like Grampa Charlie. And there, we are connected, they are connected, through space and time, to a man they didn’t know in life, but they know him in their heart.
23 years later, I still remember his hands, and what my hand felt like in his (with his three squeezes of I-love-you), his gruff laugh, the chink of his too-big watch as he laid his hand on the table. The way he would wake me up for school 10 minutes early just so he could tell me I could sleep for another ten minutes. He was a sweet gentle man, and at his wake, I remember the Air Force men who came to pay their respects, and they spoke of this tough as nails man, “nobody messed with the Colonel”, and I wondered who they were talking about! The man I knew could be bent to my will with the batting of a few eye lashes… I wish he knew Sam and Jane, though I think maybe he does. I look at my life and hope he is proud of what I have created, of the two little souls who look so much like the love of his life.
My only regret as of late is that I don’t have more photos of him–of me with him. As I was looking for a few new ones to scan yesterday, and was longing for more, it occurs to me that if something happened to me tomorrow, there wouldn’t be many photos of me with my kiddos (occupational hazard of being the family photographer) and it jolted me. I am going to make sure that I hand off my camera more, or set up a tripod, or balance it on a table, and be in some photos with Sam and Jane. And for the rest of you mom (and dad) photogs out there, I hope you’ll do the same.
A picture is worth a thousand words. And when I look at these, each word speaks “love” to me….
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I haven’t seen that first photo in forever…and when TK saw it, he was struck at how much Jane looks like me! I didn’t see it at all, then he called Jane over, asked who that was in the photo, and she was sure it was her. Then she made that same face…and BINGO. I see it!
And for those who missed the post from when we were in Washington DC last year, we took the kids to Arlington National Cemetery to see my dad’s grave. Jane loved the grass and danced all around, and my Sam spent a number of thoughtful minutes connecting to his Grampa. This photo goes down as an all-time favorite of mine.
So. You know that I am a photographer, right? Right. But I see myself as something else. I am a storyteller. This phrase comes up a lot as I talk to my clients, and in my own life. I am a scrapbooker, but my albums are filled with more words than photos, and this very blog was born from a desire to write the stories of my small but amazing life. I come from a great line of story-tellers, and am proud to work to keep that tradition going! I don’t think it is any small coincidence that I find myself in a profession that lets me tell the stories of other people, and their most treasured stories at that.
Almost three and a half years ago I was able to tell the story of the birth of Emily Conquest Tredwell, through photos and words. I remember the days leading up to her arrival. I had been on pins and needles waiting for the “CODE PINK!” call, then drove to Connecticut in the middle of the night for one of the coolest experiences ever…Emily’s arrival. In fact, when I need a little pick-me-up, I just find her blog post…I dare you to watch it and NOT feel bubbly and happy afterward!
When Tim and Kate found out they were expecting baby #2, he called and oh-so-casually asked how busy my business was in January…might I be available to be on-call early in the month? And thus ensued the Cousin Sarah Happy Dance! I first got to see the baby bump during our Tredwell beach week in Narragansett…and I’ve been waiting patiently for the call…
Last week, they thought that the baby might be on the loooong side….(wait–they thought the daughter of a 6’9″ guy might be LONG? NO WAY!) so they scheduled an induction for Saturday night. YESSSSS! I headed to the hospital on Saturday afternoon, and arrived as soon as they were all hooked up. Ems was there, and that child is so awesome. ”HI! Cousin Sarah!” We played (she bounced from iPhone to iPhone, looking for the coolest games) until her grandparents came to pick her up. Smooches all around, and she was off. And thus began what I like to refer to “Baby Tredwell 2: The Elecreic Boogaloo”. The funny thing about our family is that EVERY occasion becomes funny. We are inappropriate jokers and laughers–it’s typical that we are shushed by hospital staff while in waiting rooms, sent confused looks at funeral homes, and Tim and I have been known to be reprimanded for being too goofy at church. As adults. So we weren’t surprised when Birthing Room 3 became a barrel of laughs. Thank heavens we were the ONLY guests on the birthing floor that night.
Tim headed to the waiting room (where the couch was) at about 1AM and at 3AM Kate and I agreed to stop chatting and try to get some sleep! At sunrise we were up and ready again…Kate got to eat breakfast and shower (oh heavenly shower!) before the Pitocin was administered, which Kate lovingly referred to as “liquid evil”, remembering what those contractions feel like. Tim and Kate walked and walked, and then those famous contractions kicked in. Kate is a ROCK STAR. I have said that before about her, but watching her breathe through each painful rise and fall with quiet strength was seriously awe-inspiring. She had her epidural and was able to relax during the hardest part of labor. I look at the photos and remember watching that contraction monitor up over 100 and she was relaxed and smiling…amazing. Kate’s parents and Ems came back to the hospital to await the baby’s arrival, and they scooted from the room when the doctor came in to check Kate’s progress. I couldn’t believe it, but she was READY to push!
The nurses scurried around, telling a VERY calm Kate not to push, the baby was right there! She pushed for 8 minutes. EIGHT MINUTES. That was not a typo, internet. Eight minutes of pushing and baby Paige came hollering into the world. 8 pounds 2 ounces of pudgy-cheeked perfection. Once more, just like when her big sister was born, I was a weepy mess behind my camera! I swear, it’s nothing short of a miracle that any of those photos are in focus…
Just as soon as I pulled myself together, in came Emily, with complete and utter delight at the sight of Paige. What I’ll remember most, though, is that at first, she only had eyes for her mom. She stood for a minute, deciding who she wanted to love up more–her mom or her baby sister. The sister won out, and her squeals of “She’s so CUUUUUUTE” over and over brought those tears again! She couldn’t wait to hold her (which reminded me so much of Sam’s reaction to meeting Jane) and when Paige was snuggled up by her grandparents, Ems was demanding to have her sister back in her arms again. Kate lovingly explained that everyone needed a turn holding the baby, and she pleaded, “pweeeeeaasse, Mommy? Just for 20 seconds?” THEN she spied a cookie-whipped cream sandwich, and miraculously, she was ok letting some of us have a few minutes of Paigey-love.
I had the ride home to let the events of those 24 hours replay in my mind, and in my heart. It occurred to me that these days-these collection of moments-are ones that Tim and Kate will remember forever. The way that I remember every moment of when Sam and Jane entered the world. These are the most important moments of their lives, and how lucky I was to be a part of those moments. This is a familiar feeling…I get that when I shoot weddings, usually in the early part of the day, when the bride is getting into her dress, or the father of the bride sees his daughter for the first time. I think about how amazing it is to be a witness to these life-altering moments, how lucky I am to have some small role in those stories. Sitting in the birthing room before Paige was born, Tim, Kate and I told stories…about being kids together, about our weddings, about Sam and Jane and Emily, about our parents and about being parents. These stories keep us together, keep us connected. They have true an honest value, and are treasured by those of us who hear them, and who tell them.
I cherish the story of Emily’s arrival, looking at her photos brings me right back to that day. And my heart is full today because I am part of Paige’s story too. When Tim and Kate tell the girls about when they were born, I am a part of that little chapter, and there is no greater honor.
I simply adore sweet Emily. The stories of her humor, her sheer will, her struggles and her triumph fill me with joy and amazement, each new chapter of her life brings such delight and excitement.
And my darling Paige, I can only imagine the wonder that you will be…for your story is just beginning. And I’m glad I can help you tell it.
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I just love the look on Tim’s face here…like, “really? with the camera already?”
Electronics for BOTH kids!
looks like the couch in the lounge might not have been the best for a good night’s sleep after all…
What do you do when your wife gets the full lunch instead of the regular clear liquids? You EAT that chicken pot pie, dammit!
Oh baby. Here come the contractions….
Epidural = smiles again!
This next one might just be my favorite ever.
Remember how everything is a party? This is about 10 minutes before the baby was born….
Hellooooo Paige!!!
Beauty in its truest and purest form…Kate, you are gorgeous.
Paige hollers hello at her Grams over the phone…
Hello, burrito baby.
If you’ve made it this far….nicely done!! If you are wanting to see more photos, head on over to my Facebook page and check out the slideshow. I can’t seem to stop watching it myself. I’m going to be out of tissues by morning.
Tim, Kate, Ems and Paige, congratulations on your beautiful family. Much much MUCH love.
(this is what we were doing six years ago….)
Well, it happened. We tried to tell her to go ahead and decide to stay 5 for just ONE more year…..no go. TK even said he called the birthday police, and we could keep her 5 for one more year if only we filled out the paperwork by midnight…she was too savvy for us, though.
Birthdays for the kids are always a little sad for me–another year older, that invisible thread that connects them to me stretches just a little more. The night before every birthday I sit with the kids and look through the snapfish photo books with the photos from our hospital stay when they were born. I tell the same stories–Sam, I pushed for FOUR HOURS and FIVE MINUTES before you came out! Jane, all anyone could say when they looked at your face was “oooh the CHEEKS!” I get to stroll down memory lane (strew with happy tears, thank you very much) and they are reminded that they were loved from the MOMENT they were born. It’s win-win for all of us.
She woke up sleepily, the first thing she said was “I think I grew last night!” She padded down the stairs in her footie pajamas, we danced around the kitchen to Tom T Hall’s “Your Birthday Is”, another tradition that carried over from my own childhood, and then she dove into her pile of presents. The big winners? Earrings. about seven thousand pair, ready for January 15th, when she can take out the starter set. And, funnily, a pair of pink fake eyeglasses, which she wore all day long. Love that child.
Waffles with whipped cream and chocolate chips for the smaller set, my mom’s eggs benedict for the grown-ups! (someday those kids will catch on that Eggos are NOT the same thing as real breakfast.) She consumed about seven thousand push-pops until it was time to head to the movies. We were in traffic getting into the mall, and she said, “Umm, this traffic is ruining a little bit of my birthday awesome-ness.” So I smashed all of the cars out of the way and plowed into the parking garage. Of course.
We saw “We Bought A Zoo”. Go. See it. Bring some tissues. I loved it. When it ended, Sam said, “Well, that was a very lovely movie!” We headed home for spaghetti and cupcakes, some painting and a game, and before I knew it, she was back into her footie pajamas and headed to bed.
My favorite part of the day came just after breakfast, when I took her outside for a photoshoot. SOMEONE tell me why I haven’t been doing this all the time?? It was freezing. And windy. But I bundled her in everything pink I could find and let her toss confetti stars in the air. I’ll be finding them for days, but it was worth it.
Because the night before she turns 16, after we look at the book from when she was born, I’m pulling these ones out too.
Happy birthday to my sparkly six year old darling girl, we could not love you more!
(did I mention there are two photogs in the house at all times now? He is my official in-house second shooter….)
The card from Sam on the left says “I have you for the greatest sister ever. Love Sam” (heart melt.)
I LOVED these pics of her blowing out her candles…in this house, TK always hands the cake over, as I am always snapping away….and that first photo reminded me of one from her very first birthday…
If I had my way, I would have stood on a chair an serenaded Kelly at her birthday dinner in Manhattan on earlier this month.
When you have a friend like Kelly, it is no question–OF COURSE I am coming to New York to celebrate the big day, YES PLEASE, sign me up for a massage at the girls spa day, and OKAY, I’ll come in the night before to get a little more time in with her. If I MUST.
And with a friend like Kelly, you don’t just want to come to a party, you want to throw her a parade. Hire sky writers. Plaster your love for her on a billboard in Times Square. Declare a national holiday. Serenade her in a french restaurant in the west village.
But what to sing? ”Happy Birthday” seemed oddly inappropriate, even though we did sing it together to her. No. Not enough.
I could totally have sung “Build me up Buttercup.” It is the official theme song for the Hot Buttered Mamas (it’s been so long ago that I can’t fully remember how Kelly, Steph, Julie, and I came to call ourselves Hot Buttered Mamas, but it stuck!) and is one of those songs that you can’t help but sing. At the top of your lungs. Maybe it wouldn’t have been quite right for that little restaurant. Not that THAT would have stopped me.
“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”–I might even have attempted BOTH Marvin Gaye AND Tammy Terrell’s parts…THIS might be the ultimate friend song. NOTHING could keep me from getting to Kelly, if she needed me, and even more, NOTHING keeps Kelly from those in need. NOTHING. Is there a better quality in a human being? I think not. And my friend has it in SPADES.
I might have sung “Galway Bay”. Kelly’s irish roots run deep, and as the song goes, “If there is going to be a life hereafter, and faith somehow I’m sure there’s going to be, I’ll ask my God to let me make my heaven on that dear land across the Irish Sea”, and I imagine that’s how it goes for Kelly. But my Irish brogue inevitably becomes scottish, and before you know it, it’s jamaican, and everyone is wondering why Bob Marley is singing that song.
I considered “The Trolley Song” from Meet me in Saint Louis, you know, “clang clang clang went the trolley”, ONLY because the next line goes “ding ding ding went the bell” and if you’ve ever heard kelly say “DING DING DING!” I’m sure it’s one of your favorite catchphrases too. I might still sing this, it’s not completely off the table yet. I am just going to find some sequined pants first.
Then there is “Do You Love Me”, with the line, “I can mashed potato…I can do the twist…”, because I have been searching forever for a song that really FEATURES mashed potatoes, but there are so few and far between. Still, when one of your best friends is a bonafide Mashed Potato Aficionado, you want to find a way to honor that. I’m still looking.
And on that note, how are there NO songs about the awesome-ness of fountain soda??
I thought about Winter Wonderland…not very birthday-ish, but it will forever remind me of a december stroll through central park with Kel, thinking about all of the Christmas-y things we were going to see that day, when we came around the corner hear a lone saxophone playing it….Christmas in New York? CHECK!!
I can not deny that “Thank You for Being a Friend” came to mind. Yes, the theme song to the Golden Girls. And everyone knows that song. But if you can listen to it and NOT picture four old ladies, the song kinda rocks.
“You Are My Sunshine” was in the running. One of Kelly’s greatest gifts is that she has the uncanny talent to completely cheer up even the saddest soul. Her nature always finds the brightest side of the situation, and she is quick to show THAT to you. Looking for the silver lining? She’ll find it for you, polish it up, and present it to you with a pretty ribbon tied on. Even in my darkest times, when there isn’t even a silver lining to be found, she has always been there to remind me that “This is just chapter 6. Of 45.”
I thought about “The Story”, by Brandi Carlisle. I love that song, and what it means to have someone to share my stories with…and I love the line that goes “When I was flat broke, you made me feel like a million bucks”. That’s what Kelly does–she values her friends such that when one is feeling at their lowest, a quick chat from Kel raises the spirit and remind you how amazing and worthwhile you are. BUT. The song happens to start by talking about lines on the face, and I know better than to sing that to a girlfriend on their birthday.
I thought about singing a Billy Joel song. Because THAT is Kelly. Comfortable and easy going, familiar and friendly, and when she walks in, you can’t help but smile (come on, you know that every time a Billy Joel song comes on the radio, you smile and go, “oh yeah, I love this song.” I know you do.) I was going to sing And So It Goes, a song about giving your heart, because THAT is how she operates. Kelly loves with her whole heart, no holding back. Lucky are we to be on the receiving end of that generous heart, and lucky is the man who offers that kind of love back.
The Beach Boys came to my mind…I could totally belt out “God Only Knows” because THAT’S the truth. God only knows where I would be without my Kelly…
And my song choice started to come into focus, and it came down to two.
My new favorite artist is Brett Dennen. He’s a big red-headed giant, with a gently folksy voice and I love him. The first time I heard “By and By” I just knew it was written for my Hot Buttered Mamas. The chorus sums it up: “oh, i’ll tell you that I, I love you by and by. I don’t know if I’d survive without a friend like you in my life.” Because I really do not know how people survive the madness that is life without close friends. I know that my own personal craziness is much more manageable knowing I have someone like Kelly in my corner.
But only one song covered all of my best wishes of love and friendship for Kelly’s Birthday.
“To Make You Feel My Love” sums it all up. If I had Adele’s pipes, I would have stood on the chair, clinked my glass and serenaded my friend. This song brings me to tears every time. Sometimes because I realize that I feel that way about someone. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you feel my love”. Sometimes it’s because I know in my hear that someone feels that way about me. The beauty of having best friends is that the feeling of I’ll do anything to make sure you know you are LOVED runs on an endless, infinite back and forth loop. I feel that from my friend Kelly. When I need it most. And I hope she feels it coming right back to her. To the ends of the earth for you, friend.
Kelly, you are the kind of friend that everyone wants, and so few of us are lucky to have. Kind and generous, brilliant and funny, you keep us all smiling and laughing, thinking and singing (what song will you put into my head TODAY?), tap dancing too, And above all, grateful to know such a remarkable person. I hope your birthday was relaxing and fun, and I am so thrilled that I got to be a part of it! Although I didn’t actually serenade you that night, I hope you know that having a friend like you keeps my heart full of song.
xo
PS-What’s that? You thought that mix of songs might be the best mix-tape ever made?? Me too! You can find all of the songs here on iTunes…
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+ - 2 comments
Katrine holmes - What an amazing trubute! Your words are eloquent and certainly made me feel the pure connection you had with your dad. He must have been a fabulous guy!
Mom - Am sure you know but picture number two is in Rantoul on your 2nd birthday. I loved that dress on you and Daddy had picked it out…you looked like a Swiss milkmaid…Maybe Heidi? We were only two months away from moving to Boston