requiem for a binkie

She is officially and completely, utterly 100% a big girl.

Monday night we decided that it was the last night with the bink.  She was all for it, and though I knew that gung-ho attitude would change when she actually had to hand them over to me, we nevertheless started calling around and making the announcement.  Which, as parents know, when you say something like that out loud, you can't turn back…or the little ones know they've got you in the palm of their hands…

On tuesday we spent the day talking about the Binkie Fairy (another one of the many fairies who come and handle tasks in this house.  When in doubt, I come up with a new fairy. The potty fairy, the broccoli fairy, the wednesday afternoon fairy, you name it.  The plan was to gather up the binks, leave them out for the fairy, and hope she leaves a present when she takes the binks to give to all the babies in need.  Jane was wonderfully excited about the whole affair, much to my surprise and delight.  When she announced her new binkie-free status to the check out lady at Target, the lovely woman started hopping up and down and said, "WOW!  Can I shake your hand?? I think you need a sticker!"  Thank you, Target lady, there is a special place for you in heaven.

As another bit of bribery, I told Jane she could get a new little pillow for her bed, which is what brought us to target.  We found all of the little girl throw pillows, and I showed her a darling little silky princess pillow, and Jane said, "um, no, I don't want that one, I want THAT ONE!" pointing to a horrendous Hello Kitty pillow. But seeing as it was her thing, and though I tried to get her to choose ANY OTHER pillow, and she wouldn't take cash as an alternative ("I'll give you $100 to go with this Hannah Montana pillow") we went home with "hollow kitty".

Bathtime. 

Pajamas.

We read books.

The tears started. 

Quiet and sad, and the tiniest heartbreaking voice said,

"but mooooom, if I don't have my binkie, I will be so sad!" 

Okay, I admit it, I started to cry a little too.  It was that adorably sad.

Then she said it 4289 more times.

"but moooooom, if I don't have my binkie, I will be so sad!"

Uh-huh, no bink, so sad, gotcha.

I just kept telling her, "you can do this Jane!  You are such a big girl, and I am so proud of you!"

Every word of encouragement was met with "but moooooom…."

I reminded her again of the fairy, who brings the presents, and she stopped crying for the smallest moment and said, "maybe the binkie fairy will come…and she will bring me a present…and it will be a NEW binkie."

I couldn't stifle the giggles and told her that while I didn't know much about binkie fairies, I was sure it didn't work like THAT. 

Her response?

"But moooooooom…."

And on it went.

Until we both fell asleep.

I snuck into my room, and woke in the middle of the night to a tiny little sniffly girl.

"Jane?  Are you okay?"

"But mooooooooom, if I don't have my binkie I will be so sad!"

Right. So sad. Get into bed with me.

At 7:30 Sam came in to wake us up, and as my girl began to wake, Sam and I started showering her with praise…"YOU DID IT! GREAT JOB JANIE!!"

And she opened her sleepy little eyes, they filled with tears and she said……

"But moooooooom….."

I cut her off and said, "Hmm, I wonder if the Binkie fairy left you a present when she flew in to take the binkies…"  and it was like she flipped a switch, turned off the tears and was all smiles when she went to the kitchen to find a lovely note from the fairy along with a new pair of plastic dress-up high heel shoes. 

And that girl has not looked back since then.

Wednesday night she didn't even ask for the bink, though she wanted to snuggle for a long time, and last night as I was settling in for another long cuddle, she said "I'm done snuggling, mom, I just want to go to bed."

*sigh*

And just like that, the baby is gone.

But letting go of the last little bit of baby was worth it to hear her say to me, in the car yesterday morning,

"Mom, I am so proud of myself for no more binkies."

"Oh my girl, we are SO proud of you too.  We knew you could do it."

Her response?

"Oh moooooooom.  You make my heart super happy."

If she only knew.